


Cat-astrophes great and small

by Nemainofthewater



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: April Fool's Fic, Cats, Don't copy to another site, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Transformation, literal and metaphorical, unrepentant nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-31 23:23:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18324050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nemainofthewater/pseuds/Nemainofthewater
Summary: “How are you holding up?”Eliot glares up at Margo from where he is sprawled on the bed.“How do you think?” he asks, disdain dripping from his voice, “I was possessed by a psycho child who destroyed my body, we don’t have access to any living clay so I’m stuck like this for the foreseeable future while everyone else goes off and fights the Library, and oh! The love of my life happens to be allergic to me.”Margo’s lips twitch.Eliot huffs.“Shut up,” he scowls.“Sorry El,” Margo says, “But you have to admit that you make an adorable cat.”





	Cat-astrophes great and small

**Author's Note:**

> In my defence, it's still April 1st where I live (for another entire half hour!). 
> 
> Happy April Fool's!

“How are you holding up?”

 

Eliot glares up at Margo from where he is sprawled on the bed.

 

“How do you think?” he asks, disdain dripping from his voice, “I was possessed by a psycho child who destroyed my body, we don’t have access to any living clay so I’m stuck like this for the foreseeable future while everyone else goes off and fights the Library, and oh! The love of my life happens to be allergic to me.”

 

Margo’s lips twitch.

 

Eliot huffs.

 

“Shut up,” he scowls.

 

“Sorry El,” Margo says, “But you have to admit that you make an adorable cat.”

 

*

 

“Q, I don’t think this is a good idea,” Eliot says.

 

“It’s fine,” Quentin says moving closer to Eliot, “Julia went out to buy me all the antihistamines. I’m so doped up right now that I think I might pass out soon. But it means I can get close enough to-”

 

His nose scrunches up-and god Eliot must be gone because his first thought is how cute it is-and then he sneezes eight times in quick succession. He looks up, eyes red, nose chapped and sore-looking and his eyes are so swollen Eliot is surprised he can see anything out of them.

 

Of course, Eliot muses as Quentin barks his shin against a table and starts swearing loudly, it’s entirely possible that he can’t.

 

*

 

Eliot takes the last bite of salmon, and then sighs. Delicious. Freshly bought from the farmer’s market and cooked by Fen who’s taking the whole ‘being-technically-married-to-a-cat’ thing incredibly well (like mother like daughter?).

 

He tries to lick the last remnants off his face, frowning when he realises he can’t quite reach. It really is annoying him, so he gives his paw a quick lick and gives his face a quick clean.

 

“Awwwww.”

 

Eliot looks up.

 

Alice fucking Quinn is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, hands clasped over her mouth. But it’s too late. He heard it.

 

He is a handsome specimen of cat if he does say so himself, fur a light shimmering silver perfect for showing up on the dark colours that everyone seems to wear, eyes the same amber as his human ones. But. That’s no excuse for anyone to be coo-ing over him, let alone Alice Quinn.

 

“I just really like cats,” she says apologetically.

 

“Touch me and die,” Eliot says flatly.

 

*

 

CRASH

 

Another dish of muffins falls off the counter.

 

Josh stares at him.

 

“Oh my god,” he says, “You are such an asshole.”

 

“If I can’t have them,” Eliot sniffs, “No one can.”

 

Josh throws his hands up in the air.

 

“For the last time, it’s not my fault cats can’t eat bread!”

 

CRASH

 

“Aaargh!”

 

*

 

“Eliot, if you spray the furniture one more time, I swear that I am going to have you neutered.”

 

Kady really has become protective of the apartment, considering it’s stolen goods.

 

Eliot just looks smug.

 

“You wouldn’t,” he says, “Because a) Q would never forgive you and who wants those puppy dog eyes hanging around for the rest of their lives, b) come near me and I will scratch your eyes out, and c)-”

 

He closes his eyes and concentrates, tail restlessly flicking against the floor. In front of him a single cheese puff, dropped and never cleaned up, rises into the air.

 

“C,” he says, “I still have my magic and it would be pretty embarrassing to lose a duel to a cat.”

 

*

 

Penny is smirking.

 

“What?” says Eliot. He can feel his fur starting to stand on end, feline instincts on edge.

 

“Nothing man,” Penny says casually, “Just-”

 

He takes something out of his pocket. Fiddles with it.

 

And then all Eliot can see is the dot of red light, travelling across the floor and he pounces on it, trying to catch it again and again only to see it disappear before his eyes.

 

Penny is laughing. The bastard.

 

“I hate you. If you know what’s good for you, we shall never speak of this moment again.”

 

*

 

“Eliot.”

 

He looks up.

 

Julia is standing in front of him, casting a shadow over his sunny corner.

 

“What?” he asks, trying not to sound grumpy. Honestly, the best (and possibly only) bit about being a cat was having permission to nap as much as he wanted.

 

“Do you remember,” she says slowly, “Before we went to Fillory the first time. You made me get up off my ass and actually do something productive.”

 

“…yes?” Eliot says warily.

 

“Well it’s time for me to repay the favour. Your pining is so obvious that you can sense it from different dimensions. Literally: I ate one of Josh’s brownies and there are all of these emotion-scavengers just plastered around you and Quentin.”

 

“Is there a point to this other than mind-scarring images?”

 

“My point is that you and Quentin need to get your shit together.”

 

“A bit hard when I’m stuck like this.”

 

Eliot flicks his tale to punctuate the statement.

 

Julia smiles, small and mischievous.

 

“Well I’m still working on finding some living clay. But until then-”

 

She holds up a silver bell attached to a collar.

 

“I called in a favour. Wear this and Q’s allergies shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

 

Eliot stares at the collar with desperate hope.

 

“You’re certain?”

 

Julia softens.

 

“Yeah,” she says, “I’m certain.”

 

Eliot jumps down from his perch.

 

“Not the first time I’ve worn a collar, and I doubt it’ll be the last,” he drawls, “Lay it on me Wicker.”

 

He hesitates.

 

“And. Thanks.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am on Tumblr as [Nemainofthewater ](https://nemainofthewater.tumblr.com)


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